Mood:  not sure
Topic: Life Goes On
My grandfather passed away on Sunday morning. He was 90 years old. The good news is that his passing was peaceful and painless. Also, I got to see him before he died, and he knew I was there. It was hard to see him so weak and frail, but I'm glad I got to be with him. He had a good long life and he died knowing that his family loved him. There are much worse ways to die.

Even though I know he's in a better place (trite, I know, but I believe it's true), I will still miss him. He was a wonderful man. It was amazing to hear all the different stories about the things he'd done in his life. Some I knew, and many others I didn't know. I wish I'd spent more time to really get to know him. He was always a quiet presence in my life. He was there, and for him, that was the way he said "I love you."

I honor you, Grandpa. I miss you, but I know you're watching over me.

The funeral was on Wednesday, and it was a beautiful service. Everyone was so supportive and had great memories to share.

Other than dealing with Grandpa's death, I've been spending time with family and catching up with friends. Nena and I had our hetero lifemate ritual, which was a lot of fun. Also, my brother and his wife are in town. I haven't really been able to see him much since he joined the military so this is a treat, despite the circumstances that brought him here.

Hmmm. Off to bed. I'm going to a wedding tomorrow, though I'm not exactly enthusiastic about it.

The Gods Hate Me
Mood:  don't ask
Well, it turns out that I do in fact have a head cold rather than allergies. This is good because a cold will go away and allergies would linger for much longer. It's bad because cold's make me miserable. I'm pretty miserable today, but I think the echinacea I've been taking is shortening my sick time. I love herbs.

I hate Cingular right now. I have had so many dropped calls. It's ****ing ridiculous. I even called tech support last night 3 times and they did nothing that actually worked. At any other time, it would be a minor inconvenience, but...

My grandfather's dying. I'm leaving tomorrow to go see him. Hopefully, I'll make it in time to see him while he's still alive. I'm sure you can understand why having my phone cut out on every call is particularly frustrating at this time. Hopefully, things will work more smoothly from here on out. All that matters now is seeing him and the rest of my family.

Today was my last day of work, which was a little sad, but my co-workers were so sweet. They threw me a little party at lunch and told me how much they'd miss me. I won't miss the job (or my boss), but I will miss everyone there.

I won't be posting for probably a week at least. Spring blessings to anyone who's actually reading!

Spring Hates Me
Mood:  hug me
Topic: Life Goes On
It's that time of year again: allergy season! Yuck! I woke up this morning with lots of fun things happening in my head and throat. I won't go into more detail as you may be eating. Suffice it to say that I can't breathe out my nose and my throat is sore. I took a Claritin but it doesn't seem to be making a difference. Or maybe I'm sick? I guess I'll just have to see how it all pans out.

I won't even get into the PMS...

My daily reading seemed to indicate a very passive day. I'm all about that right now. I got:
5 de Deniers - 8 de Bastons - 3 de Bastons

The 5 of Deniers indicates a day of reflection regarding my resources, particularly money. I will also be thinking a lot about job/career stuff and maybe even planning how to spring clean (about time). The 8 de Bastons is why it's important. I read it as this time of reflection leading me to have a better understanding of what I want. However, there may be some difficulty in manifesting it just now. I have to be careful not to cut myself off totally from my roots and foundation. The 3 de Bastons asks me to understand and integrate my recent impulses into my life. This works well with the two other reflective cards. It also points out that, although I will see much, there are things that I cannot yet see.

Looks pretty good, although passive. Right now, with my body being weird, I guess passive is good.

The start of a journey....
Mood:  celebratory
This weekend was the first installment of my two-year training in Anderson Feri tradition with T. Thorn Coyle. I am so happy that I decided to do this. I love the tradition (well, what I've learnt so far), I love my teacher, and I love my fellow students. I had such a great time that it was a little depressing to have to return to the real world. That being said, I do realize that half the struggle is integrating spiritual practice into everyday life. I was still sad, though! It's one thing to mentally know that you're supposed to be integrating and practicing, and it's another thing to miss that group dynamic and the fabulous energy of ritual space.

It makes me happy just remembering. I'll just have to focus on the homework until the next meeting.

The Hunt Begins
Mood:  sharp
Topic: Life Goes On
For starters, I have to say (with great pleasure) that this week is definitely much better than last week. Hooray! My job ending soon still sucks, but now I'm taking a more proactive approach.

I am officially on the prowl for the perfect job. Anyone want to hire me?

I did have an interesting meditation involving Thoth, the Egyptian God, on Monday. He left a mark on my shoulder and asked me to make offerings to him. He said he would help me out with the job stuff, among other things. Sounds crazy, I know, but I'll personally take all the help I can get. He's a very interesting God.

So yeah, I'm job searching. Cross your fingers for me. Hopefully I'll find something great before the novelty wears off (and my job ends).

A good day? Here's hoping...
Mood:  not sure
Topic: Life Goes On
I'm going to be honest and say that (excluding Monday) this has been one of the shittiest weeks I've had in a while. Will today be better? So far, so good. Then again, I wouldn't want to tempt fate too much. At least my daily cards look good. I got:
* Something I need to know - Le Soleil (Sun)
* Why it's important - 4 de Bastons (4 of Wands)
* Advice - 3 d'Epees (3 of Swords)
I took that to mean that I'll find a way to deal with all the recent annoyances, and that they will help me discover what makes me shine. There's also high potential for fun with friends. These things are important because they will help me to manifest my passions and to be confident enough to use my intuition to help me on my path. The 4 shows 2 lovely fully blossomed flowers and leaves coming out from the Bastons. I feel like that shows the great potential. The 3 d'Epees is telling me to plan, plan, plan and to get it in writing. I think it's telling me to get a good understanding of what it is that I want and to work toward it. It's telling me to integrate my thoughts with my goals. No discouragement and self-sabotage. Looks good, no?

Since I know that my job will be ending, I don't really feel like getting much done at work. I had motivation problems before, but now they're ten times worse. Why bother when I'm not going to reap the benefits or even get to see the results?

This weekend I'm starting my new job search in earnest. It won't help my motivation (and slight bitterness) issues, but it will help me see my immediate future in a more positive light. Hopefully, it'll also land me a job I want. I'm trying to break into the publishing biz, which will be challenging, but ultimately fruitful.

Seems to be a brain diarrhea day, but hey, mental diarrhea is better than an overall shitty day. Certainly more interesting.

Sigh...
Topic: Life Goes On
These have been an interesting last few days. Mostly, they've involved being overwhelmed with annoying details. Today, I found out that the temp job I'm working will be ending on April 11th. Of course, temp jobs by their very nature do end, but for this one, I had a decent chance of being hired perm. However, they created an entirely new position (and didn't even consider me for it). I mean, the job itself isn't that fabulous, but I really do love the people here. Oh, well. At least the definite and still decently future end date will give me time to look for something else.

I'm trying to look at this as my opportunity to find a job that I love. I really hope that it turns out to be exactly that.

A New Course of Study
Mood:  bright
Topic: Life Goes On
Don't let me excite you too much. This new course of study is entirely personal and not related to school. I guess you could say that it's related to my career, seeing as how I read tarot once a week. Still, the impetus is personal.

Anyway, what the hell am I rambling on about?
I'm learning how to read with historical decks, more specifically the Tarot of Marseilles.

What makes this deck so deliciously difficult is it's differences from the RWS deck, which most people learn with. In many cases, the major arcana have similar meaning, but the differences are subtle and sublime. The minor arcana aren't scenically illustrated, which makes them a challenge to use in a reading, but I suspect that mastery will reveal just as many subtleties as the major arcana. The almost childlike simplicity of the artwork shouldn't fool you into thinking that there's nothing to this deck. Look into it. I'm sure you'll find the experience as rewarding as I am.

Here is a good link to get you started:
Kris Hadar's Webpage. Kris Hadar has published his own version of the Marseilles, and gives free lessons on his site. I've found his writing to be clear and helpful.

There is also a Marseilles subforum on Aeclectic Tarot Forum.

More links and hopefully more insights to come. I feel like I'm barely scratching the surface but that great wisdom lies beneath.

Help me get a free iPod!
I am trying to earn a free iPod. All I have to do is have 5 friends sign up for an offer. The offers won't cost you much, and helping me out will not stop you from getting your own free iPod.

Click here to help me out.

Pretty please?

Revamp
I have decided to revamp a little to make my tarot reviews more accessible. I have created a seperate page for them in Tarot Turret. Click here to go to the new Tarot Review Index page. I have also posted a new review. To keep up with the posting of new reviews, please check out the What's New page.