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The Knight of Wands
aka The Eternal Teenager

"F**k it, let's rock!"
- Smashmouth

As a Co-Worker
A job? You mean he can't get by on charm alone? When he does have a job, it's likely to be something where people are watching - car or motorcycle racing, extreme sports, lifeguard. It has to be something he can brag about later.

As a Lover
Having no brain helps. Also, if you don't have big tits and like to fawn all over someone, you're not the one for him. He will regale you with tales of his bravery and prowess, but you'll never be able to get a word in edgewise. The good news? He's a tiger in the bedroom. That's the only good news.

As a Parent
"You're WHAT?!" In the event that one of his women becomes pregnant, he is highly likely to just skip town. Should he somehow end up with visitation rights, he'll be the weekend dad who takes your child out to do the dangerous and stupid things you hoped your child would never do. The kid will, of course, love him because they're so mentally similar.

As a Friend
Don't expect intelligent conversation. He can always do everything better than you - drink more beers, pick up more women, drive faster cars, etc. He will regale you with tales of his bravery and prowess, but you'll never get a word in edgewise. Should you actually achieve getting a word in edgewise (maybe he's vomiting or something), he will interrupt you and one-up whatever it was you said.

Whatever makes him look extreme and more cutting edge than you. He'll either be a GQ fashion plate or a tattooed, pierced maniac.

Copyright K. Mayberry. Not to be used without permission.

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